I made the commitment to write this weekly, so I’m sitting down to try. But this week, it’s a hard commitment to keep. I’m usually an open book, but it’s easier for me to be open when I’m on the healthy and functional side of my own spectrum and harder for to find the words when I’m on the struggling side of my spectrum.
And I’ve tried about seven different angles to say anything more than that and keep deleting and starting over because I just can’t find words that I feel like I can share.
So that’s it. I’ll just say that.
I’m struggling (and because I know some of you may be too, I’m going to hit send on this)(because we are not alone).
When we’re in this struggling space: it’s a good time to think about what neutral looks like. To set our eyes on neutral — on a click "better” than we are right now — not necessarily to try to get positive or think too many clicks ahead on the dial. If I’m a 2 today, thinking about an 8 is overwhelming and too daunting. But if I’m a 2 today, and by next week I can figure out what a 2.5 or a 3 looks like, that’s progress.
So for me, right now, I’m focusing on finding my way back to “well enough.”
I’ve also been working to remind myself of the resources I have and put them to use.
I’m super lucky to have health care, so I’ve taken the time I’ve needed this week to check in with my primary care docs and work on an updated care plan. I’m prioritizing my emotional health — prioritizing counseling, and connection with my people (colleagues, friends, and Chris). I even reached out to our EAP to see if there are any other resources I've missed. (And that, my friends, is a funny story for another time. But it's too darkly comic for this particular week.)
Whatever resources you have: inventory them, and put them to use.
And finding my way back to “well enough” also takes the shape of giving in to my body that ignoring the symptoms I’m experiencing isn’t reducing them — and accepting that the only lifestyle factors still within my control to change are eliminating my single cup of coffee each morning (ugh)
and reducing my stress levels even more.
P.S. After writing this, I found my way to a meditation inspired by Tara Brach’s RAIN practice that I found really helpful. I appreciate the RAIN practice, and this is a very accessible, bite-sized practice using it. If you’re navigating strong emotions, physical pain, or another type of suffering, it may be helpful for finding some order in your bodily experience, feelings and mind. I did, this morning.
P.P.S. I do not envy the people in my life when I don’t have my coffee this morning. I apologize in advance.
P.P.P.S. a reminder from @yungpueblo on Instagram:
Sara Lobkovich Newsletter
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